A GUIDE TO A HAPPY MARRIAGE: AN ENLIGHTENMENT PUBLICATION FOR COUPLES & PROSPECTIVE COUPLES

MARRIAGE: Marriage has various but interrelated definitions by various authors and non-authors alike. Oxford Advanced Learner’s Dictionary defines marriage as the legal relationship between a husband and wife.

I also see marriage as an institution of love between a man and a woman essentially for companionship. Some see it as a social, spiritual, legal and religious covenant between a man and a woman, while others see it as the highest form of union of body, mind and soul of a man and a woman.

            According to Okoye (2001), in Nigerian Messenger Magazine, “marriage is referred to as an institution of higher learning. This institution houses human beings but is unique in the areas of population and sex. While other institutions admit many students, marriage makes a choice of two”.

            In all, marriage should genuinely and unequivocally be built on intrinsic love. Marriage though not a bed of roses, but when embedded in real love has a lasting end. Of course, no marriage is problem free but where there is a true and intrinsic love, understanding of the demands of marriage, and fear of God, marriage, despite all odds, would be cherished as a bed of roses. The problems of such a marriage are easily resolved. Conversely, where true love does not exist, where one lacks adequate knowledge of the demands of marriage and has no fear of God, any little problem could escalate into a big one and could cause harms.

            It should be noted that the harmonious life of a husband and wife depends on their preparedness for this life-long commitment to each other.

According to Ikueze (2005-2006) in Apostolos Magazine, “the actual ceremony of wedding takes about 7½ minutes to conclude, but becoming married is “until death do us part”. It takes more than the diamond, or golden, or silver rings to be married. Marriage goes beyond the glamour of living in the world; it requires the participation of the partners in union.

            According to Ukor (1998) in Beacon Magazine, “Marriage as a divine institution and vocation has been part of the Church’s teaching and that teaching calls for a higher and a unique way of life. It is a very demanding vocation to love and serve God through one another in the bid to gain eternal life”.

            As a sacrament, marriage has unity and indissolubility as vital elements. Unity here means one. A husband has only one wife and a wife has only one husband. The unity in marriage is expressed in the Biblical dictum, “they become one flesh” (Gen 2:24). Nonetheless, some people no longer see marriage as a long live commitment and covenant, but as a mere contract that can be broken at will. As such, the indissolubility of marriage is considered a primitive and antiquated idea. With these erroneous and preposterous conceptions, the family structures are gradually changing and distorting.

The preponderant youths in the contemporary society are confronted with many demands concerning marriage. These demands are brought about by modern day civilization engulfed in psycho-socio-religious and economic problems with their attendant abysmal confusions. On the other hand, some of the already married couples are worried and perturbed by a lot of inconsistencies surrounding them that looks intractable.

Unfortunately, one of the moral evils of the contemporary time is the strip of intrinsic worth and dignity of marriage. Such  unfortunate situations and acts like; broken families,  divorce, deceits, cheating, fighting, constant arguments, unfriendliness neglect of moral ideals, indifference to religious exhortations, heartbreaks, lack of peace, disharmony in families, to mention a few, have become common phenomena in our society today. Some married couples live like cat and mouse in the same house. Having been perhaps erroneously tied by that marriage bond; many couples consistently and regrettably wish they could be licitly separated.

            Also lots of marriage cases are being filed at various marriage tribunals and in law courts throughout Nigeria and in the world beyond on daily basis. Most of these marriages have lasted for weeks, months, and others, few years. Some marriages have even lasted for one day and collapsed.

Importantly, the Church does not and cannot dissolve any valid and consummated marriage. The Church can only declare a marriage null and void if she finds out that such a marriage does not exist ab initio. This calls for absolute and deep sense of carefulness by intending couples during courtship and at the time of taking final decision for a marriage partner, (see courtship in chapter three).

            Many, especially the youths, ready for marriage are therefore caught in the web of confusion, dread and phobia caused by these psycho-socio-economic and religious issues. Having found themselves in such a situation and placed on a cross road, many continue to ask lots of questions which include “how could one make a rightful choice and be freed from marital problems and how could one solve marital problems?”

            This is why this book is written for prospective, engaged and already married Christian couples. It is written for those who intend to have a serious commitment that would lead to the deepest and most permanent of human relationship. The book will benefit more those who like the truth and want to hear the uncompromising truth about marriage.

            The book aims to be a guide to couples and intending couples in finding healthy joy, peace and harmony in marriage. It also aims at being an aid in solving marriage problems right from the time one starts thinking about marriage and throughout the marriage period. Honest marriage counselors would find it so beneficial.

            For proficiency and effectiveness in marriage relationship, some salient issues were discussed for easy perception of general demands of marriage. These include: choosing a marriage partner, courtship, panacea to effective courtship, barriers to effective courtship, identification of real love, factors that invalidate marriage, planning in marriage, duties of parents in the marriage of their children, duties of young couples, relationship between couples, who is a good husband/wife, Sacramental marriage, demands of marriage, Do’s and Don’ts of marriage, what the Bible says, causes of distastefulness in marriage, sex in marriage, solving already existing problems, communication in marriage, and other issues as can be seen in the table of content.

If the content of this book is internalized, assimilated and pragmatically observed, optimistically, it will help you to face your marriage with such ease. It will help one to mature in the areas that change and deepen as you grow over the years in marriage.

Many of us are just beginning, may God give us the grace of a sustainable happy marriage life.

            I wish you a happy married life.